I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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