Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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