plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
