I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Randomize
