I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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