i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Green mimosas i think yes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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