i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Randomize
