The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
