I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
