At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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