Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
