Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
