i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
