We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
