Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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