I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
