I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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