quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
