I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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