fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
