im about as happy as oj after his trial
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
