The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
