Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
