yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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