My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
