Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
