I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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