I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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