I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
