The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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