Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
