She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
