I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
