I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize