Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
