That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
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I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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