i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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