who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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