I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
