Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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