um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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