I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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