The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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