The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
