i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
