I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
