And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
