We're facebook friends in real life
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
