just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
