Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
