i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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