I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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