Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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