Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
