i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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