these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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