Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
