Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
