I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Everclear isn't food dammit
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"