Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
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Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
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Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science