Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that