He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.