You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
this beer tastes like vomit already
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
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Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
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Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.