What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
