just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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