Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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