I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
