In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
