I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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