Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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